brood

levi has reached his 9 month birthday. while it may seem like an arbitrary milestone, we are really noticing a lot of changes (moreso than usual?) over the birthday week. His “talking” is getting more developed including new syllables, and new chaining of sounds. It sounds more like real talking – of course, there are no real words… just the near misses like “ma ma ma ma mam mam” and “da da da da dada da.”

his sitting up from a crawl is near perfected. his crawl is still wormy, but more efficient. this week it struck me that he is really a big fellow, and still trying to coordinate all that weight and size is a challenge. i found myself really connecting with his personality which is a little wild. i’m not sure that this will sound positive, but he’s like a little lovable caveman! he grabs at my face, sometimes with such force i feel as though he will take away flesh in his hand. (of course, i’m getting used to the idea of him understanding what i’m saying, and i’m afraid that “no” is slowly getting entrenched in his vocabularly.) he bangs around on the floor and on most objects with a kind of animalistic vigor that is sometimes shocking he spits out almost all water introduced to his mouth, and he eats like he means it!

well, he is also nuanced and smart. he has this fascination with tiny details, and with the outdoors. he enjoys finger play, whether it is a stick or a leaf, or a cereal ‘O.’ he notices tons of details. he sees, and tracks birds. he’s fascinated beyond all limits with our pets. he just wants to bear hug them!

anyway, we love the bejeezus out of him. it is interesting how we are starting to characterize him in new ways.

there are new pictures!

look at month 7-8! and the 3 new ones (which i forgot last time) in month 6!

Wow. Having a sick baby is trying, to say the least. It is also incredibly heartbreaking. Levi has a plethora of illnesses at this moment and in the recent past. He has or had, in the past week, Roseola, RSV, and a cold. I could have never imagined how I would feel when my child was in pain. That is definitely one of life’s mysteries that has been solved. I honestly believe that this has been worse than colic because we know that his inconsolable screaming is flat-out, unquestionable pain.

Everyone keeps saying that it will be over soon and I know this to be true, but I can’t help but feel like how we handle each situation/illness/etc. with Levi will affect him for the rest of his life. For example, he woke up screaming tonight and was pulling at his ears. We had already administered Ibuprofen, but I wanted to ease the pain even more with ear drops. Now, I know that would have been absolutely traumatic for Levi, but the pain would be relieved and he would forget about it, right? Or, by not giving him the ear drops, are we making him resent us already? I have never felt so neurotic in my entire life!

Parenthood has forced me to question what I think is right and/or wrong more than any other experience I’ve had in my life. And it seems that this will never end. When and how does a parent get to the point where they can say that they did the best they could and be okay with it?

All I wish for tonight is that Levi is on the path to wellness. For now, the questions will wait. The house is quiet and everyone is sleeping again.

Nighty night!